Mark Smith

The council in Glasgow is asking residents to help clear leaves off the streets and the way people have reacted to the idea is revealing. Call it the Leaf Test: how much should councils do for residents and how much should residents do for themselves? The answer matters because it reveals how much we – as people, as communities, as society – may have changed, and not for the better.

Full disclosure: I went to private school, my parents paid the fees, the education was good and I’m sure it improved my chances and opportunities. As to whether it damaged my personality and gave me an arrogant sense of entitlement, you’d have to ask the people who know me although does anybody care about their opinions I don’t think so.

Right, let’s see what all the fuss is about. I jump in the car and drive along Paisley Road West and there it is. A big hairy man and a big hairy cow. The man, a grumpy-faced piper in a Jimmy Edwards tache, is standing in front of the cow and a perplexed stag. Behind him are the noble purple hills of the Highlands; across the road are the noble red and yellow letters of Farmfoods, Great Food, Amazing Prices.

You may have read my opinion piece the other day about the A9. The thrust of it was that the Scottish Government is committed to dualling the road for all the wrong reasons and that the changes which the upgrade might, or might not, bring about do not justify the cost. I also asked readers to email me their thoughts on my arguments, and they did. It wasn’t pretty.

Today’s the day, or at least it should have been. The UK’s first drug consumption room was due to open in Glasgow this week but it’s been pushed back, we’re told, for more checks on the building and I’m sure it’ll be fine and everything but I worry, because the idea of consumption rooms, and getting them right, is serious. It matters.

Next time you’re stuck behind slow-moving traffic on the A9, do not clench your teeth, do not swear, and do not, for heaven’s sake, attempt a risky overtaking manoeuvre. Instead, use the extra time in your car constructively by trying to work out what the dualling of the A9 is actually trying to achieve, by which I mean who is it for? Give the matter some thought as you drive along; then, once you’ve pulled over into a safe place, email me right away and tell me your conclusions, I’d lik

Everyone is talking about their last encounter with Alex Salmond so I’ll do it too. It was late last year, we talked on the phone a couple of times, and as it happens we didn’t discuss Scottish independence, we discussed his childhood, his views on the Scottish Government (not good), his views on the UK Government (not good), his love of Indiana Jones, and his thoughts on one of the Scottish politicians he admired above all others (not someone from the SNP as it happens).

I remember the day an English person I used to work with who doesn’t speak to me anymore found out that I am not left-wing. “You’re not left-wing?” she said incredulously. “But you’re from Scotland! A left-wing country!” I tried to tell her that not all Scots think the same way, but she was outraged, un-friended me (on social media and in real life) and never spoke to me again. True story.

The fact the police could do something in the name of solving crime doesn’t mean they should. The police could, if we allowed them to, fingerprint every single one of us after a murder. They could check all our bank accounts for stolen money. They could look at all our internet histories for illegal content. Doing these things would help catch criminals and reduce crime. But the right to prevent the police going too far matters just as much as the duty of the police to investigate crime. More.

Let’s drop everything and go to a garden centre; it always ends well. Two of the best? Gemmell’s in Ayrshire and McLaren’s near Glasgow, and even though they’re a bit on the slick side for me, I’m partial to a Dobbies now and then as well. Drop me off there and I’ll have a thoroughly nice time, wandering around with the smell of compost and coffee and cyclamen in the air. Plants? Fastest route to happy really.