He came, he saw and he conquered.

It could be a meal at someone’s house or it could be a wedding but the bhotee (meat) fisher is a law unto himself.

It begins innocently enough. He sits down, folds his arms and surveys those around him - sizing up the opposition. As the meal is about to be served he has already poured the chutney on to his plate in readiness.

To make sure he gets the first tray he has made space in front of him. He knows only too well that the waiter will automatically place the goods in the spare area.

This man means business and eating at functions is a skill he has mastered through many years. The brother is in a trance and in the ‘bhotee zone’.

The Bhotee Fisher is named not for what he does with the starters but what he plans for the main meal. As the ghosht (lamb curry) arrives he dives straight in and begins to fish out the best bit of meat.

He carefully drains the oil and slowly fills his plate with piece after piece after piece. Quite a clinical fellow this guy.

To be extra sure he even places his whole disgusting hand into the pot to fish out the bhotees with the same fingers he had used only moments earlier to pick his nose and scratch himself.Soon enough he has taken all the best bits of meat.

One can only watch as the Bhottee Fisher proceeds to do this to the chicken bowl too. A sight to be behold this fellow and in full flow he is like a majestic eagle soaring down from the skies and picking off the meat.

Having filled his plate he then reaches over and does the unthinkable - he takes twenty naans and places them next to his own plate.

We, the other dimwits on the table, must now wait until the pots are refilled and the naans replaced. As we all know this at any Asian wedding or function can take an eternity.

The worse thing that can ever happen is when one is faced with ‘double Bhotee Fishers’.

They work in tandem and clear the pots and the naans within seconds.

You would think the female version would be a little more accommodating. But no she is indeed the devil in disguise.

She proceeds to wipe her mouth with her dupatta and as well as fishing for herself she cleans out all the bowls for her kids. She backs it up by demeaning the waiters. You’ve gotta love her.