I have to admit that I was a Lallu Panju once. I was the biggest Lallu Panju of them all and proud of it.

I wore the whitest of suits and jazziest of ties sauntering into almost every event pretending I was some VIP - but clearly I was only there for the free food.

In essence I was nothing more than a glorified seat filler.

But then I realised that selling my soul to djävul would see me burn in the lowest level of hell for eternity.

So, I turned my back on it. Now, I mostly sit at home doing far more important things like watching Indian dramas and sucking on pickled anday (eggs).

The term ‘Lallu Panju’ was first used in February 1757 when the Imperial English, represented at the time by the East India Company (EIC), held a meeting to deal with a growing issue.

The aim was to plunder and pillage the sub-continent for the next two centuries but there was one problem – there were just far too many agitators.

At that defining moment one Englishman stood up, scratched his head and said in a booming voice ‘bring me the Lallu Panjus’ – or in other words the people we can use to do the dirty work but make them seem important.

Things haven’t been the same since, I suppose. We Asians decided at that very point that wherever we ventured on the planet we would always train a whole load of ‘Lallu Panjus.’ Give me a grand title and I will bend over backwards to make the master happy.

Of course the Lallu Panju has changed over the years and is a shadow of the LP of yesterday.

The power of Mr Inbetween has slowly diminished I’m afraid.

Nowadays, the Lallu Panju can be seen loitering outside the toilets at weddings or leaving self-important posts on other people’s Facebook pictures.

It is a sad end to what was once a great profession.

The modern day Lallu Panju though is making a comeback - this time in the form of middle-class Lallu Panju.

We see them at dinners, wearing Lallu Panju suits with Lallu Panju haircuts and talking in a Lallu Panju accent.

All the time making Lallu Panju talk in the vain hope that someone somewhere will notice them.

‘Hey, listen…you doing an event bro? Got some free tickets for me and my Lallu Panju friends?’ Yeah, of course I have. Why not? I guess we were all Lallu Panjus once...