Digital Pervert

Still here? Then don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Sister, I ain’t no pervert I just like to look- (insert winking emoji here).

There has been a metamorphosis my friends. Once some of us was only perving in the town centre now we is perving online and we are going at it Asian style. Correction, Kutha Asian style.

Look, it is a fact some brothers got serious issues and they are replicating the perving of their forefathers. In the olden days it was pretty simple. You put your brown cords on and white shirt and window shopped all day.

If you were lucky you managed to serve food in the female section of a wedding. Uncle perv was in his element then. And for the most part he was a pretty harmless SOB who was put in his place by the odd aunt if he rubbed anyone up the wrong way.

But then we kind of got stereotyped. You know, we looked in the wrong direction and we was arrested man.

Facebook and LinkedIn changed all of that. The digital perv is now clearly a law unto himself because he is able to do that typical Asian thing – he can be a t*** and no-one knows who he really is.

There is nothing subtle about the digital pervert- he will bang out a few phrases online and if all else fails just send a picture of your **** on Facebook. The thinking is that it will somehow attract me the right sort of woman.

The secret to it all is to be pretend to be religious but a little modern. You know the score.

Then you can ‘like’ as many sisters as you want. It also helps if you got a little money.

It is imperative to put a picture of a car as your profile picture. A nice car or an interesting quote as your profile picture will help us snare the ladies.

Religious, businessman and a nice car. The triple whammy is simply irresistible.

Then digital perv can like as many pictures as he wants and follow each comment with a ‘Mashallah.’ Look, you do it and you know you do it so don’t bother writing to the newspaper to complain – it was just a matter of time before you got found out.