The notion of forgiveness can sometimes be unfathomable. We tend to associate forgiveness with the degree of an unacceptable act. But is that what forgiveness really is?

To forgive is probably one of the most challenging things we do. Not being able to forgive carries with it a torrent of emotions from regret, resentment and hatred to guilt and anguish, with which we torment ourselves on a regular basis.

To some degree, I think the concept of forgiveness is not entirely understood, which is why we tend to associate forgiveness with the degree of the ‘unforgiveable act’. This misconception about forgiveness results in agonising reminders about the past which are repeatedly replayed in the mind.

We tend to tell ourselves that we cannot forgive someone because of what they did - it becomes an issue of the ego… And what we don’t realise is that we create our own inner hell.

And who does this affect? Only, the individual who is unable to forgive. In doing so, we haul around an array of negative emotions, burdening the heart and the soul; living in the past; not allowing ourselves to move on fully with life.

The inability to forgive not only perturbs the heart and mind but, with time, this begins to manifest into physical ill-health.

Forgiveness does not mean you condone one’s actions; it merely allows you to release the pain you feel. It does not mean what somebody did is acceptable - forgiveness is about inner peace. I do not believe in the notion of forgiving and forgetting. Forgive and let go but do not forget as that would be an act of stupidity.

Remember who caused you harm (just faintly, at the back of your mind somewhere) so you able to better protect yourself from any possible future hurt - The act of forgiveness allows the mass of negative feelings to transpire into the abyss, resulting in a sensation of lightness of the heart and mind, like soft, billowy clouds drifting gently in the sky.

This restores equilibrium in the mind allowing the oppressive heart to heal, illuminating the darkest corners with the purest light of love.

It is vital to firstly exonerate yourself for anything you may hold yourself responsible for in a negative manner.

This can be accomplished through self-talk or a forgiveness mediation, where you verbally repeat the words ‘I forgive you’ and visualise the point of pain being released.

This, I found was a lot easier than to forgive others. The arduous task of forgiving others demands a lot more inner strength but the liberation you feel after exonerating others in one that cannot be compared.

When forgiving others, we sometimes need to revisit this process repeatedly, in order to fully forgive and release.

It’s a layered affect – a little like an onion – the process can make you cry as you release a layer at a time until you a ready to fully release the hurt, ultimately resulting the lifting of a heavy burden allowing deep healing to take place.

Why torture yourself? Why revisit pain when you can release the anguish and live a happier, more fulfilled life?

Move into the present, leave the past where it is and focus on NOW – that is what will result in inner peace, contentment and bliss. Stop existing and start living; forgive and let go. Forgive.